here is proof

so what now?

I’ve been interning at SNL financial since January of this year.
(side note: just found out SNL stands for savings and loans)

It’s not 100% official but recently I was offered a full-time position in the Investor Relations department.

I don’t know exactly what they do but im just excited to finally be employed.

In all honesty I wanted to work at some big consulting firm in NOVA.

Make super money and just start living the life that i thought i deserved.

But who am i to say that i deserve anything.

Everything that i have done was only possible through God.

God brought me amazing mentors and friends that help me through this time.

God gave me the  mindset to realize that life after college isn’t something that’s going to figure itself out.

But something that i need to work at and prepare for.

I am truly blessed to be in the position that i am in now.

I really want to thank everyone that has helped me out these past years.

Without God’s guidance and the help of everyone i wouldn’t be where im at today.

But this is just the beginning.

I wonder where ill be in 5 years.

Actually i wonder where ill be at next year O.o

Regardless of where i am, i think its important that i keep what i love to do active in my life.

Even if im working fulltime i never want to stop making videos and cooking.

My goal in life is to make both those things more than just hobbies in my life.

FIRST STEP OF MY POST GRAD LIFE HAS STARTED!!!

So much ahead of me.

Trying to take it all one step at a time.

For the past semester I decided to focus more on making myself a future than trying to live in the moment.  I’ve picked up an internship along with a full course load.  I feel like I’ve worked harder this semester than any other to try and make something of my life.  I know it’s not over yet but getting my last rejection call from Accenture kind of hit me pretty hard.  I’ve been doing all this on my own and honestly I have nothing to show for it.  It’s like saying to all my friends “hey I’m not going to hang out with you guys so I can secure my future” and then coming back empty handed.

After my last rejection call, which was basically my last chance at trying to get something going after I graduate, I immediately called my mom.  She answered and all I could say to her was that I was sorry.  Sorry for not being able to get a job and sorry for failing as a son.  People may think this is overdoing it but I can’t help but feel like I’ve failed her.  YOUR FUTURE IS FOR YOURSELF AND NO ONE ELSE.  People seem to think this way and I get where they are coming from, but for me my future is just as much for my parents than it is for me.  How can you not think that?  I mean we graduate and as good kids we should be able to say “mom and dad, you’ve done your jobs…thanks for always supporting me but now I can handle it on my own”.  How satisfying it would be for me to say that to my parents.  I want to be independent so that they can just retire and chill, but sadly i can’t bring them that kind of relief.

I feel like people my age don’t worry enough about this.  At the same time I feel like I worry too much.  The key is balance and my life does not achieve this.  I fail at being able to fully rely on God and His power to take over but at least I’m doing SOMETHING.  There seems to be a lot of people not being active and just hoping that God drops something into their laps.  I am not saying this to make it sound like my life is any better because it truly is not, but I can’t help but think that there is value in taking action and trying to honor God through things you do and not just waiting for God to hand you something.  Who am I to say this though?  I’ve been active for only maybe my last year of college.  This is hardly long enough to say that I am a hard worker.  I should have really been better at trying to get my life together in first 3 years of college.

I have been neglecting a lot of people since I’ve started doing my own thing.  I always hear that I’m “MIA”.  I really don’t like that word though…missing in action.  I have plenty of action in my life right now, just not the same actions as others that I used to spend time with.  Saying to someone that they are MIA is basically saying, “Hey you’re not around when I’m there”.  Whenever I say to someone they are MIA I feel like I’m telling them that I’m not going to deviate from my day to day activities so when I don’t see you I think you’re missing out on something.  I hate saying that to people.  I feel like I’ve failed as a friend when I say it.  Why not go out your way to see these people?  If someone is being MIA in your actions, why not try to find them in theirs?  Is this too selfish of me to ask?  Is it too much for me to ask for someone to try and take interest in WHY I’m doing what I’m doing and not just assuming that I’m missing out on all the action?  I guess I haven’t made it the easiest task to find me and to reconnect but I also think it’s been a good thing for me because I’ve found those who take the time to go out of their way and try and understand what I’ve been going through.  Of course I understand that is it completely ridiculous and selfish to make people accommodate me and my life so I do not hold anything against anyone.  I just really appreciate those that have put an effort into spending time with me. I do not deserve these people, but I’m glad that God has blessed me with them.

People seem to be getting caught up in the rush before graduation; trying to experience a lot of things before they lose the opportunity.  I don’t know if it’s this fear of leaving college or some other reason that has caused something to happen among my class people.  No one can argue against me that in these recent times, the 4^th year class has somewhat separated more than united.  Maybe separated is too hard of a word but I can’t find a better word to describe it.  Maybe people are now just realizing the people they feel strongly towards and are spending more time with them instead of all together as a whole.  But my view is probably biased in all this because of the way I’ve chosen to spend my final semester.  All I know is that I’m not going to sit here and lie to myself saying that the 4^th year class of GCF is a super united group like it always has been.  The truth of the matter is, we are not what we used to be.  I might be able to go as far as saying that what we used to be was never really what is was thought to be, because then why would all this be happening?  I’m not bitter about it though.  I have the relationships I hold dear to me and I will never let go of those.  For the rest…time will tell which relationships were true and which were just “hey you’ve been so MIA”.  Again, I’ve chosen to live my life recently in more of an isolated state so my opinions and judgments might be completely off, but maybe me stepping back from everything has given me a clearer view of everyone as a whole.  Who knows? These are just my thoughts…

I’ve made some new relationships amidst all the chaos of my life.  I have to admit though; these new found friendships are strange (in a good way).  They seem to have this ability to disregard time as a factor of closeness.  I’ve only known some of these people for about 2 months but it feels like I’ve grown up with them.  They are a big reason why I was not completely heartbroken when I made the decision to stay in Charlottesville after graduation.  How have I become so attached to people I’ve just recently met?  I think it has to do a lot with the ability for these people to trust me.  The admittance of flaws and past failures in their lives, the feeling that they can open up to me without the fear of being judged, and the want to always keep me updated on their lives.  These things show to me that trust me and I appreciate it more than they know.  Even the small things like asking me what I’m up to in hopes of hanging out or letting me know random happenings in their day like seeing a strange creature or a strange looking person.  All these things show to me that they trust me and truly want to have a strong relationship with me.  The sad part is I don’t know a way to show them just how much they mean to me besides random acts of kindness.  I’m really bad at being able to show people what they mean to me.  Hopefully those who I care about and those who know me well know this and are able to see that I’m trying my best to show them gratitude.  Of course there are also those certain few relationships that I’ve had for a while that I hold VERY VERY dear and I hope if they are reading this they know they are also GREATLY APPRECIATED.  That means YOU 대통령.  I don’t deserve any of these people in my life.  I see it as a gift that they have chosen to be a part of it.

The problem that gives birth to all this doubt, complaining, and insecurity in me is the fact that my spiritual walk with God has slowly but surely come to a complete halt.  I think this is the first time I’ve finally admitted to myself that this is a huge problem in my life.  Usually I just think, “Oh I’m just having a little slip up, it’ll get better soon”.  I have to face it, I’m so far from God I can’t even see Him.  What makes me feel worst is to see all the people around me rejoicing in God’s glory especially after all these revitalizing event they’ve attended during the winter break.  It makes me angry to the point where I criticize those who are living their lives for God because I can’t seem to bring myself to do so.  I haven’t even truly thanked God for giving me the internship and sadly it doesn’t register to me that this is a problem.  Confusing? I think it’s because I’ve been trained to KNOW what’s right but I’ve confused this knowing with BELIEVING.  Just because I know what I’m doing isn’t right, doesn’t mean I believe or feel that my life is as screwed up as it is.  I don’t feel that urgency to return to God.  I know I should feel bad for being so far away from Him, I just don’t care.  I know I should be praying for my family, my friends, and myself, I just don’t want to.  That’s why this problem is so dangerous.  Maybe I am now finally starting to understand this spiritual crisis in my life by admitting it.  Does my life need change? Of course it does, but again, I can’t bring myself to feel that I want it to change.

Usually at this point in my post I put something like “I pray that I will be able to come back into His arms” and fill you readers with hope that my life will turn around after I press submit, but I can’t put that here.  My class had their first prayer meeting and I didn’t attend it.  Billy came back telling me how great it was and all I could think was “how could it have been that great?”  I couldn’t fathom the idea that praying for others and being prayed for by others could give someone such joy.  Maybe that’s why I feel like my life has been particularly empty recently.  All I can think about is graduating and making money.  I found out the next prayer meeting is at my apartment on Sunday and all I want to do is not be here for it.  I know I should be here because it’s probably something I need right now, but I just don’t want to deal with it.  Some of this is because I don’t really feel close to my class anymore, and it makes me wonder if I ever really did feel close to my class.  I don’t feel sad that I won’t be seeing some people after this last semester and I feel comfortable with telling employers that I am willing to work anywhere they want me to even if it’s in like North Dakota.  Have I really distanced myself that much from the people around me? Or have I just not realized how much these people mean to me?  There is a part of me that hopes it’s the first one because I don’t want to feel sad about leaving college.  I want to start living my life independently from others.

On a brighter note, I’m really excited for the work that 29eleven has been up to.  I never thought that this team that got together for a summer film competition would actually still be together making videos.  It sucks that I’m not up there getting my share of the work done but just meeting up that one night and planning the last project was great.  Photoria studio is amazing I finally got to go over winter break.  It was my first time because every time I try to go Jennie Roh says I’m not welcome L lols just playing she’s the nicest person she would never say that.  It has been great sharing this dream we all have of making film a major part of our lives.  I can only hope that I will get the opportunity to make film my life, but right now there are a lot more needs in my life that I have to satisfy before I can really devote my life to something I enjoy.  It’s sad to think that I’m so unwilling to just drop everything and follow my dreams.  I know it seems weird, I mean if it’s my dream I should go after it right?  I think I worry too much about life to let myself enjoy this short time I have on the earth.  A part of me looks at people who can drop the boring parts of life to do what they love with disapproval but another part of me looks at them with jealousy.  I think it’s a good and somewhat rare trait, for my generation, to think more about the practical side of life.  At the same time I over think the practical and turn it into worrying too much about all the little details.  Like when I go to a nice restaurant, I make sure to have cash in different bills because I worry that the place will not split the check especially if it’s a lot of us.  This past Monday my apartment went to this restaurant for restaurant week.  Now, thinking that this place was a pretty nice place and wouldn’t split the check like boars head or places in Tysons 2, I brought cash in different bills to make sure I could pay for the check easier.  It turned out that the restaurant asked us if we wanted split checks and my worrying was for nothing.  I was the only one who actually paid in cash and I don’t know if anyone else brought cash but it seemed like I was the only one who was thinking about this.  What if the restaurant didn’t split the check and one person had to pay for everyone?  I guess in this situation it wasn’t a big deal since we were all apartment mates but I’ve been to plenty of dinners where someone paid and everyone had to pay them back and at least 3 people forgot.  Come on guys really? If you owe someone money just freaking pay them as soon as possible, don’t be the person who forgets stuff like that.  That’s freaking money; don’t play with other people’s money!  Look at that, I have not failed to complain at the end of my entry as always and now it is 5am…I have class in 5 hours.

Summary: My Spiritual life is shot, nothing else really matters.

i think my last post was just at the beginning of my break…and now my break is over

not that i start school

but i am returning to UVA about 13 days before it starts up again

why??

is it because i love uva and the spirit of academia that thrives within its walls?

no

in fact i really dont like uva

but nova is WAY too expensive to live in without parents

ive used up about 3x as much money as i would in charlottesville for the time ive been in nova

i cant do it

id rather be alone and saving money then around people and be using it like an NBA player

over the break ive stayed with my parents, at a friends place renting out a room, and by myself in charlottesville

i think of those three id have to choose by myself in charlottesville

not just because i get to save money

but also because ive realized that its been so long since ive lived in a place with someone working a 9-5

that ive become accustomed to basically doing whatever i want whenever i want

i appreciate my friend letting me stay here, but i live on a different schedule then them

i tend to sleep when they go to work and then wake up when they get back

2am lifetime sessions are a pain when i have to sneak out of the house

and it doesnt help that this friend has the LOUDEST STAIRS in the WORLD

and not just loud but repeatedly loud…i step once and it makes 6 sounds

at the same time my friend is too nice to tell me that i need to be quieter at night

i try my best but sometimes i bumped into a wall when everything is dark and i make a sound

life would be easier living alone

and im not used to this nothing-is-open 24hrs thing

i completely forgot that Harris Teeter and Krogers in Charlottesville are 24hrs because of the location

in nova things close AND IT FRUSTRATES ME

i wanna shop for food at 3am IS THAT TOO MUCH TO ASK?!

overall ive spent lots of money, didnt get to meet up with all the people i wanted, and have tons of laundry to do

i call that a successful nova trip

time to get out of this financial black hole and return to college town

but first i will go to Hanaro and buy some stuff for jajangmyun, ddukbohgi, chapcheh, dehjee mohksahl, and some soondae

i know its a really random list but i dont know i just really want to eat all those things

dehjee mohksahl is the neck meat of a pig…i recently had the privilege of eating this after it was grilled on some applewood chips

MEAT WAS DANNNNKKKKK

it was so amazingly juicy and the fat was there but not in the way

O MAN SO GOOD

I do have another reason why im going back so early that goes beyond money

a great brother of mine (NATE HWOO PARK) contacted me about a job opening and said i should contact a dear sister of mine (DIANA KIM) to see if she could recommend me for the job.  Diana promptly sent in my resume with a recommendation and a couple of weeks later i got a call.  The man got my schedule down and told me he was going to put my paper work through to HR to schedule a formal interview.  He said it might take a little bit because of the holiday season.  I told him i would be back on the 8th and he said that would be fine because i probably wont get work back till after that.  This interview is for a spring internship at SNL financial in charlottesville.  It’s weird because the manager liked me because of my video production experience and not really for my econ degree.  I would be working in a new sector he wants to get started that does training videos and webinars.  Hopefully i can get the internship for the spring and get offered a full-time position at SNL after i graduate.  I can only hope right??  Lots of prayer is going into this because its such a real opportunity that i dont want to mess it up.  Only when i see hope do i drop God and start to just get sucked into the world, but not this time.  If i do get the job i will go and change my name to Chris Liu II and learn to play basketball a lot better so i can try to be the second chris liu.

man its 5am and im blogging while playing cityville, my life is full of excitement and wonder -_-

good morning world

my mom for some reason decided to buy a 2 person couch
and not like 2 normal people
more like 2 infant children
wth
what is the point in buying this thing
i dont think many kids need a couch specifically tailored to their body size
and yea those of you who know me are probably like
but wait chris
youre not really mr average sized person either
well if u are thinking this then
1. youre a dick and u hurt my feelings
2.  i know this and i have taken this into account for my complaining
this is also my bed
so when i lay down
my head is propped up against one armrest and my knees are as far as the second armrest reaches
so the part that is on the sitting area is my neck torso and ends just below my man parts hehehe

i wake up like at 1pm
this is after trying to pull out as much sleep outa my body as humanly possible so i can avoid doing nothing
spin around and turn on my laptop…
wow i just noticed this
with the addition of my small laptop 11 in laptop
I LOOK LIKE EVEN MORE OF A FREAKING GIANT ON THIS COUCH FML
neways
after watching dexter
which i have to ration because i only have like 36 hrs left of it total and thats not enough to outlast this visit T.T
i use my phones 3g signal on my laptop to go online and try and find SOMEONE to chat with
after only seeing that lynn teng and eunice chung are online
i sign off realizing that talking to them will not only bore me more
but will also cause me to barf uncontrollably for atleast 2 hrs
syke im jp girls
its only 1 hr
neways
this is about the time i go rummage through the fridge and find something to eat
that last about 2 mins cuz i eat fast
i then return to my mini barbie dreamhouse sized workstation
and mindlessly search the web for anything to entertain me
after that i try and sleep dreading the next day to come while crying to myself because im so bored

but its not all bad
i brought all this laundry for my mom to do
hahaha i walk in and im like IM HOME DO MY LAUNDRY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
and i get to eat without really thinking about how much it cost and stuff
and i have to admit i kinda miss my mom yelling at me
CHRIS STOP SHAKING YOUR LEG
CHRIS WHEN U GET GIRLFRIEND U OLD U NEED GET MARRIED
CHRIS EEGUHMOYAH!!!
CHRIS CHUNCHUNEE JUM MUHGUH
CHRIS TSHIRT JUM BUHLYUH BOHGEE SHEELUH
CHRIS NUH MUHLEE JUM BWAHBAH GUHJIE GAHTEH
i then just laugh to myself hehehe
AND PUNCH HER IN THE FACE (JK…i just do it in my mind)
its such a blast from my past
ive never had to deal with someone telling me what to do or nagging me for like 6 years now
its so werid

-so the post gets really emo from here…just to warn you HAHAH-

and i realized that this living situation…with my parents kinda far off and stuff
its really shaped who i am
this place im at right now is just temporary
my mom doesnt plan on living here for the rest of her life
so i dont get the home feeling (not to mention my dad still in ATL)
i dont get to bring home frozen korean food to eat for the semester
so when i see people wasting money on going out
when they have a fridge FULL OF FROZEN MEAT
i dont get it
it is such a LUXURY to have food that you yourself dont have to pay for
i shop every 2 weeks for groceries and when i literally have NO FOOD LEFT in the entire house
i go out and shop again
i wish i could bring back food and not have to go shopping
i live my life on a budget and i dont get to have breaks where i go home and just feed off mom and dad
i guess thats why i focus so much on money
i dont ever plan on not having bills in my life
i dont see myself ever going back to a unified home where i can just relax and not worry about money
it kinda makes me mad when i see others taking home for granted
but at the same time who am i to look down on people for doing that
i just grew up with different circumstances that caused me to be this way
i have no right to pass judgement on others

God has made me the way i am for a reason
Hes put me in the position im now for a purpose
i question His judgment all the time though
why God have u let me parents business turn out the way it did
why God is it that when i want a job so i can be independent from my parents
you only send me rejections from companies
im trying i really am
to stay with YOU
and i know it shouldnt be hard for me to do this
You keep me alive day after day
You put a roof over my head
You give me food
You give me people that love me
who am i to ask for more
but i cant help it
i cant help but feel like this is not right
why should it be so hard for someone like me to get a job??
all i want to do is stop taking money from my parents
WHY IS THAT SUCH A BAD THING???
why cant companies see my drive to work and get out of this place
and because i dont have the liberty to screw around and live with mommy and daddy
ill work harder than anyone else there

the hardest struggle right now is too keep believing that God has a plan for me and that it is glorious to Him
but i mean if i cant even believe that…im already lost and hopeless right?

4am
time to try and get through the last day here in MD without jumping off a bridge

and the only way to make my sleeping schedule normal

is to switch AM for PM  T.T

i havent seen the sun in a few days

when this happens it means bed time for me

i think its starting to take its toll

im even more lazy than usual

i dont leave my apartment unless its to eat at dining hall

or to go grocery shopping

on a good note

i think i found a place to stay in nova

but dont know if it will go through

ive been blessed with not having any finals this semester

but now what do i do?

its still my first day of freedom

AND IM SO BORED

its only been one day!!

i need to find a better way to spend my time

but what do i do?

ive cleaned my room…i even re arranged it…LOOK

The problem is…since i moved this bookshelf

to right next to my bed…i have this open space that i feel like i should put something in…

the little dresser is there just cuz i feel like something should be there

but that space is so huge

maybe GKO shrine?

hmmm i guess thats something i can think about over break

because unlike most people

i am staying in Charlottesville during winter break

BUT CHRIS WHY DONT U GO TO YOUR PARENTS PLACE?!?!

cuz this is what my moms place looks like on the outside

she literally lives in the middle of nowhere

its in MD but even people from MD dont know where im talking about

and dont let those satellite dishes fool you…we dont have tv

they were probably stolen and put up for decoration

and of course i understand that i should just be there for my mom and brother

but CMON there is a limit to how long i can sit on a couch AND DO NOTHING

longest ive stayed there is 24 hrs and that was a challenge

so ive decided to stay here in Charlottesville

hopefully ill be productive and get some stuff done

-apply for jobs

-write on this thing more

-take more photos

-learn to shave

-figure out how to get super powers like the healing punch

-become a drug dealer and make millions

-take over the world

hahahah i know what youre thinking

youre silly chris you dont have any facial hair you cant shave

but forreals i really hope i dont waste this break

its my last winter break

-TOPIC CHANGE-

I’ve been pretty MIA this whole semester

its not like my classes were hard

they were actually pretty easy

but i still never really left my room

my roommate joe han

you guys might know him

hes this guy…

thats his santa claws costume

get it

yea i didnt either

stupid

well he wrote about rehumanizing in his blog

http://central21.wordpress.com/2010/12/09/rehumanizing/

and he was talking about how hes been dehumanized by this semester

and i read what he put down

and i realized

man thats what im like when i consider myself being normal

i guess the way i live isnt too healthy

avoiding interaction with people, sleeping when the sun comes up, only know days by what class i have that day and not by name

i should really learn how to live better

and the one thing that just crushes me more than anything

i have spent NO real time with God

makes me feel empty

so i guess ill take this break as a kind of refresh for my life

ENJOY YOUR BREAK GUYS

PS – if neone has read all of this

and you are diligently studying for your finals

let me know if u need anything

rides or some food or something

i feel like i should share my early freedom with others

but people dont seem to feel comfortable asking

so maybe ill just show up somewhere one day

1. I’m hyped to go to NY with my boys
2. I started playing this game again
3. I didn’t get invited for interviews for any of the companies I applied to so I’m sad
4. In fear of my ever prevalent homeless future, I decided to apply to more places
5. I’m trying to do all this on my own, and not let God give me comfort

So it’s almost time for me to get up and leave this 4 year rollercoaster.  As I look at my fellow classmates I can’t help but feel somewhat alone in my specific struggle.  Most of the people in my year are going to grad school for a various reasons.  I’m pretty sure there are at least 4 pastors in the making and probably like 3 full-time missionaries from my year.  As for me, with the way my life has turned out, I need to just get a job and get out of my parents financial burdens.  I keep telling myself that since my goal is centered around a good reason (at least i think it is), God must be on my side, but more and more God has been putting road blocks in my path.  I’ve been so bitter lately about it.  GOD WHY CANT U JUST LET ME GET A JOB SO I CAN LIVE MY LIFE.  Then I realize maybe I’m blaming the wrong person.  It’s not like my academic career is anything to boast about.  Maybe I should have gone to an easier school? Maybe one where I don’t have to be stuck with an econ degree and i can major in business without having to apply to ANOTHER school within my school.

I could blame a lot of areas that are attributing to my overall failing of life, but what would that do.  In the end, I still don’t live a life that produces any fruit and I still don’t read the Bible as much as I should.  I have a good feeling these things are a lot more important in my life than any career.  So then why do I not pay any attention to my life’s TRUE failures?  God loves to break me.  Sometimes it’s like “ok I get it, can I get a break?”  And I don’t mean to make it sound like God loves punishing me.  It’s more like God loves to TEACH me every day, but I just never LEARN.  At this point I need to prioritize my life better, and I feel all the rest will fall into place.  I’m still going to try my best to get a job, but I guess this time I’m going to do it with a lot more prayer and an overall better mindset.  Also with a heart willing to accept that maybe my plans for my life are wrong and that God has me destined for something COMPLETELY different.

I AM NOTHING.  I AM A HORRIBLE DIGUSTING PERSON.  Who am I to say that I am worthy of being successful in this life.  God I know you have a plan for me.  Please teach me to not just KNOW this, but to BELIEVE it and trust You.

later

The older I get the more I hear about jobs that are sometimes WAY different from one another.  Maybe person A has an amazing job and person B has a not so great job, but they both came from the same background and education.  Also say that person B has been working for longer than person A and is older.  I think its rude if person A blares out that their job is super amazingly awesome to everyone and should just chill out with that in respect to all the people who don’t have it that nicely but have been on the grind longer such as person B.  Like a person I know, whom I will call MP, had an amazing internship that made mine look like I was working as a toll booth operator, but this person NEVER made it seem that way.  MP always was humble around me about it even when I was making fun of this person.  I am greatly thankful for the way MP approached the situation.

CHANGE IN SUBJECT

New people – I don’t really care about meeting new people.  There are a lot of new first years and transfers but to be honest I really couldn’t care less if I meet new people or not.  I just want to do the best I can in school.

New classes – I was blessed by God and given the opportunity to take MDST 4801.  The class is intro to documentary filming.  I’ve been recommended this class from a few friends and so far I love it.  I’ve never been in a class that I love to do the homework for.  This week I have to edit a 15min strip of footage into a 2-3 min piece that tells some story; I’m really excited to work on it.  Besides that class, no other class is really that interesting to me.

New ADVENTURES!!!!! – Who knows what to come in this new year.  I’m excited for what God has in store for me.  This year I’m trying hard to stop complaining and stop talking so I can really learn how to just listen.  I also want to stop caring so much about other people’s business.  If I can accomplish these things, then I will consider this semester a WIN.

I’ve also been thinking about bringing back video ministry.  Ever since the summer my love for film has just grown 1000000 times.  Honestly though I feel very reluctant to try to fill the shoes that have been left by the amazing leaders of the past.  I’m scared that I will not measure up and I won’t be able to produce stuff of high quality.  I really want to be good at editing and making videos, but I guess my fear is holding me back from making mistakes and learning.  I really want to make 29 eleven proud hahahaha.

Crap is late…I guess ill read stuff

Later world